Let’s Talk About Sex and Physical Intimacy

ASK JAM AND PAULO #5

QUESTION:

What are your stances on premarital sex? I know it’s pretty clear what the Church’s stance is on that. I just want to know whether you share similar or different views.  No judgment. Just genuinely curious. Thank you!

ANSWER:

Thank you for the question! As a Christian couple, it naturally follows that we believe in the views of the Church regarding this matter. But to be clear, it does not mean that we blindly believe so only because the Church believes so. Jam and I genuinely believe that sex is so much more than something that brings physical pleasure, or merely an activity that temporarily satiates your libido. To us, it represents an emotional and spiritual connection with someone you’ve committed to loving for the rest of your life. Hence, we don’t believe in premarital sex to the extent that it forgoes that emotional and spiritual bondage in favor of the physical.

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It represents an emotional and spiritual connection with someone, you’ve committed to loving for the rest of your life.

When I have sex in the future, I definitely want it to be someone who has been with me in the ups and downs through the years, who has seen me at my best and at my worst, yet has chosen to love me for better or for worst as manifested by the marriage ring on her graceful finger. That sure beats having sex with someone I don’t plan on committing to in the long run. If I do that then I would be selling myself short. I also don’t want to have sex just because I “intend” to marry sometime in the future but just haven’t found the time to get to it yet; it sends a message that I wasn’t patient enough.

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Proof that boundaries are really hard. Good thing Jam’s good at stopping me. Haha!

From a purely Christian standpoint, we were taught that God created sex for a much higher purpose. Sex consummates a marriage, and can even prolong it between the couple. Studies have shown that couples who have sex before marriage break up more often than couples who have sex during marriage.

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If you think about it, the way people view sex is largely influenced by the way people view their bodies. Since we believe that God formed our bodies, particularly for an extraordinary purpose, we have a moral obligation to set our bodies to a high standard. This means reserving the gift of sex only to the person we promise to be faithful to for the rest of our lives, through marriage.

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But just ask Jam and she can tell you about the many times I struggle to keep it pure. The temptation goes through the roof whenever we’re alone in a room or alone in a movie theater, that’s why we’ve decided to do our best not to put ourselves in that kind of environment. If you’re one of those people who struggle, then change your environment and you will find that abstinence is totally manageable in the right circumstances.


 

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There are times when I want to kiss her cheeks on a photo but I can’t because we’re not allowed to!
I remember shooting this, trying our best to look sweet and intimate
but it ended up looking awkward. Haha!
Also, Jam’s mom freaked out when we showed her this photo.
Good thing she allowed us to post this for the mere purpose of telling you guys
that whether it is seen or not, keeping boundaries are always important.
Make God and your parents your accountability partners.

With all that said, let me be the first one to tell you that all of this is not easy. Everything I have told you is hard and I’m telling you that even if I believe in this stuff, IT DRIVES ME NUTS! As a guy whose primary love language is “physical touch”, there are times I find God’s commands unreasonable and almost impossible to comply with. But I just assume I’m wrong and do my best to obey His wisdom. Theodore Roosevelt once said something that I think relates well with this topic, “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…”

I hope that I was somehow able to explain to you why, to many people, especially Christians, we want to make sex or any physical intimacy “worth having”.


 Click here for more blog post about boundaries


Disclaimer: We’re facing time constraints, but we’ll do our best to answer as much questions as we can! Send your questions/messages here: http://tinyurl.com/askjamandpaulo


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